Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Cartoonist & Writers Diary---II


Well it's been a few weeks since I visited my odd little life and a few things have happened to me. I've single handedly blocked the toilet, caused an international incident and spent some time on Twitter, while under the influence of alcohol...never a good idea.

So sit back, grab a cup of your preferred beverage, or brew, and thank the God's I'm living this life so you don't have to.

Toilet Humour

I came home after a long walk writing scripts, strips, plots for novels and story arcs for comic tales and decided to have a nice relaxing bath before bed.

I ran the water and went about collecting towels, bathrobe hair net, water wings, squeaky duck, snorkel, goggles and other such bath time paraphernalia.

When I came back the bath wasn't quite ready, so rather than go off and come back I decided to sit on the lid of the toilet and wait the few moments for the bath to fill.

So I rested my posterior on the toilet seat lid, got out my phone and started fiddling with my Apps.

Suddenly there was a loud crack! My eyes ballooned, the seat gave way; there was an instant of blind panicky kerfuffliness, the phone spiralled up in the air and I folded in two and slid down the pan.

The last thing I saw was my mobile phone bouncing off the baths edge; I don’t know if it fell in the bath or onto the bath mat as my eyes were suddenly blinded by my two kneecaps as I did an impersonation of a folding deck chair.

There was a moment’s pause as I gathered my wits (such as they are) and attempted to lift myself out of the bowl by leevering my body up with the use of my elbows. Slowly I started to ease out of the toilet--- well until I lost traction on the cistern and my elbow slipped and hit the flush mechanism--- I suddenly dropped two inches lower and my nether regions were treated to an intimate bath of frothing water and toilet duck.


I'm still here now, still blinded by my knee caps and still listening to the sound of my bath over flowing........ HEEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPPP!!!!


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Our Daily Sliced Bread

Last night the Welsh Society had their annual meeting at the local hotel I frequent for light refreshment, and as with all large Welsh gatherings it ended in song.

There were legions of Welsh men standing teary eyed as they belted out 'Bread of Heaven'.

As an English man I could appreciate the sheer beauty and moving emotion of this outpouring of nationalistic passion, but I still wanted to know what 'Bread of Heaven' was and if you could get it ready sliced from Asda. 

I did ask, but got the usual blank expressions that seem to accompany all my soirees into cultural exchange.



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When left to my own devices, I Tweet...I probably shouldn't be left to my own devices...

Internet's working again, now I've lost If anyone see's it can they tell it I'm looking for them?


Apparently more deaths are caused by donkeys than by air disasters. This is probably the contributing factor as to why I never fly Air Eyore


The second most abundant element in the Earth's crust is apparently silicon. Does this mean at some point our planet had a boob job?


Berriphobia: The fear of going to a school reunion and someone discovering you still have an overdue library book on Pole Dancing by Kafka


They say if you study your dreams long enough you'll find a meaning. I dreamt I was having lunch with a bucket of custard. I'm still thinking


I have a sore eye. Someone suggested cold tea on it. The tea was no problem, neither was the milk, but the two sugar lumps itched up a storm


I found one of my garden gnomes face down in the pond today. I suspect a Mafia hit by the frog ornaments, but the police aren't buying it


Today I lived like a bat! All was well as I hung 50ft upside down and ate cold spaghetti; it went pear shaped when I flew off after a moth


So many contaminated messages with attachments...its getting so you have to wear a to open your emails nowadays


My ovens just turned itself on. I can hear it shouting "Yes, yes, oh god yes! Right there, don't stop!" ...Hope my pasta bake is okay

Hope you enjoyed the tweets and feel free to seek me out and add me @cartoonistdiary and I will add you back. The more the merrier. The next time I visit the pages of my diary I will be annoying you with my VSS tweets. VSS, for those who don't know, are 'Very Short Stories'; basically a full story within a Tweet. See you next time.

Also, please come back on Friday for the penultimate post on my latest cartoon strip submission. Part V of the Tales from 'Toonsville comic.

I sincerely hope you enjoyed this post. If you did then please share it like a demented sharing person and keep on coming back for more of the same, and a whole lot besides.


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