My Store

My Novels

The Night of the Village Idiots (A Sleepy Hamlet Tale) 172pages
How could the removal of a family painting, a childhood fear of thunder and lightning and the pub landlord's flu cause so much chaos? 
Simple. Add a dotty half-wit Lord of the manor, place him next to his short fused and volcanic wife, refer to the butler---who is the very model of decorum and upholder the old ways--- as the ‘family pet’, ignite the head cooks flatulent backside with a lightning bolt, have Mrs Heppleheimer--- a crazy octogenarian Bavarian Barm-pot--- run the village pub, and connect her own brain battering, soul sapping brew of the Norse Gods called ‘ByThor’, get the villagers to try and get her drunk in an ill-fated drinking competition which will eventually end up with the mass hypnotism of the village quoits team.

While all the time have the incumbents of Hamlet Hall running around a darkened stately home--- that's been blacked out by the worst storms to hit the village in living memory--- have an old suit of armour nearly decapitate her Ladyship while she attempts to head her portly husband off in his search for a stepladder and something to remove a painting with, then add to the mix a nervous maid with a curtsying fixation and a concussed and amnesic head cook who's wondering around the house covered in fruit preserves and compotes, and you have the ingredients for a stormy night with a village full of idiots.

Invasive Action. (a Sleepy Hamlet short story- 72pp Kindle Edition) When Mrs Markle, the village post mistress and head puritan, discovers an invasive patch of Himalayan Balsam Weed growing on the banks of the River Brimsmal---right on the edge of the grounds belonging to the country seat of Lord and Lady Hamlet---she enrols the massed ranks of the village idiot elite along with the extremely easily led Lord Hamlet, to join her in its removal.

But when Mrs Heppleheimer---an octogenarian Bavarian barm-pot who is the scourge of the village and its surrounding areas---brings along her Himalayan Balsam Weed Eradicator, or 14lb Mountain Howitzer Cannon as everyone else calls it, all hell breaks loose. This crazy old lady blasts trees, plants, shrubs, bushes and at least three quarters of a newly arrived party of spawning salmon out of the water.

Although numerous attempts are made by the imploring Mrs Markle to the maniacal Mrs Heppleheimer to decease and desist in turning the grounds of Hamlet Hall into a facsimile of the Somme. It only comes to a head when the massed ranks of the Ladies Countryside Alliance---who are having their monthly meeting at Hamlet Hall, discussing topics as varied of fox hunting and the jellified state of their various husband's minds---hear the noise and go to investigate.

As they hone into view as a wall of heated upper-class pomposity, the last cannon ball hits the water, drowning the massed ranks of the Ladies Countryside Alliance under a tsunami of river debris and spawning salmon. This is the cue for the whole village---who had up until this point being enjoying the show--- to up sticks and disappear in the panic, leaving the wholly innocent Mrs Markle holding the taper next to the literal smoking gun while fielding all the blame.

Add to this a villager led rush on cotton wool, the belief that the village is under attack by aliens and a village hall meeting that turns into a battle ground between the Lord of creation and the Norse gods, and you have just another typical 24 hours in the life and times of the Villagers of Sleepy Hamlet.

My Children's Books

Ryan's Dinosaur Dreams (28 Pages, full colour)

Ryan lives for his dinosaurs, he loves his dinosaurs and he even dreams about dinosaurs. This richly coloured and lively illustrated tale will take you and your children into a world of ballet dancing brontosaurus, trampolining triceratops, skiing stegosauruses and many more. A treat for all lovers of engaging stories, lively art and big silly dinosaurs

My Comics and Graphic Novels

Castle Comics 40pp Full Colour comic tales

Comical antics set around the fictitious fiefdom of D'Boncee Castle. With two, three, four and seven page stories from such odd ball crazies as William Wally and his side kick Ben Nevis, to Snobby Hood to the brave Sir Charge and his page Lancelittle to the medieval cub reporter and distorter of the news Offa D. Record; to the short-sighted monk Brother Tonsurlitus and the travelling pilgrims, Friar Chips and Pilgrim Sauce and not forgetting the tyrannical, pint sized despot of this mini kingdom William the Konk. Castle Comics is printed in high quality print stock in full colour and is an all ages comic book that is aimed at children but loved by adults.

Castle Comics is first and foremost a fun comic aimed at children but beloved by adults. Also, printed throughout there are little historical facts and asides making Castle Comics a fun read with an educational bonus.

My Art Prints

My rugby, sporting and general cartoon prints are now all available  by clicking on the image. This will take you directly to my store. All prints are available in a variety of sizes and frame colours.

The Penalty Drop Kick

Inspired by the Johnny Wilkinson last second penalty drop kick in the Rugby World cup final, this cartoon shows all the panic, pressure and silliness that goies into a Karl Dixon watercolour cartoon

No comments:

Post a Comment

Feel free to leave a comment