The Wild Imaginings of Optimus Bean

Nonsense poetry has always fascinated me and I particularly love the writing of Ogden Nash. If you haven't read it yet, you've missed a treat and I suggest you start here. And if you like that, then Lewis Carroll's The Hunting of the Snark is just a sublimely written piece of weirdness, or you can get it for free if you have Kindle, and you get to sample it too. 

So with that in mind I have created a nonsense Island called 'Honey' that is situated just off the coast---I won't say what coast as it could be any. All I'll say is it s inhabited by odd things and odd people;sometimes socio political, other times just plain odd.

But then what else would you expect from me. So without further ado, here's my first Nonsense poem titled:

The Wild Imaginings of Optimus Bean- 

By Karl Dixon:

Salvador lived on an Island called Honey

In a round little house that cost him no money

Everything on this Island was free;

From red and white wine to biscuits and brie

And ‘cause no one charged for what they had made

No one did argue ‘bout what they were paid.

There was no gossip, or need for the press

And as a result, no one suffered from stress

For centuries it had been this way

And that’s how the islanders wished it to stay.

But then came a problem none could have for seen

In the guise of a man called, Optimus Bean.

Famous for making the lands’ largest bed

He went very odd from a bump to the head

While out on a day that was windy and cold

A perfect round brick went and knocked him out cold

Everyone rushed to see what to do

But Optimus rose in a second or two.

His eyes were all misty, his expression was blank;

Then he started to yell of a thing called a ‘bank’

He jumped up and shouted ‘ACOUNTS FOR YOU ALL’;

For the young and for old, the fat and the tall

Everyone looked with confusion unbound

While Optimus climbed to the top of a mound

He talked about savings and large spending sprees

But kept very quiet about charges and fees

The people did murmur and all felt uneasy;

About this new Eden that made them feel queasy

But Optimus’s hands were a blur and a dash

As he ranted and raved of a new thing called ‘Cash’

He pulled out a pen and a small piece of paper

And showed them how to buy now and pay later

And how with the money that they were to earn

They could then all go out, and set up a firm

And if there were some that still didn’t get it

The bank would arrange for something called ‘Credit’

The ‘Bank’ he said would be everyone’s friend

With hard and fast rules that were made to bend

He promised that no one need live in their means

From the old and infirm to the young and the teens

And with a rub of his hands and a glint in his eye

Optimus’ dreams grew wings, and did fly

Salvador sat on the edge of the group

Eating the last of the free mushroom soup

He couldn’t see how this system could win;

With stocks and shares and chips and pin

All he could see was a friend gone quite mad;

Sprouting about an untested fad

Because he had seen in a blinding white flash

The evil that came, when people sought cash

The things they would do, the levels they’d go

Divorces would rise as morals dived low

And as Salvador sat with his soup on his knee

The seller looked down and demanded a fee

Salvador blinked, ‘Had the madness begun?’

As another hand gripped him and took back his bun.

Salvador stood his emotions in tatters

He ran to escape, the small town of mad hatters.

He hid in the towns’ very grand and large church

As he heard the crowd bay, his stomach did lurch

He had to do something to stop all this madness;

To quell all the fear, the hatred and sadness

When all of a sudden the answer did come

He smiled to himself with the raise of a thumb

Salvador’s plan was bold yet quite simple

But first he must climb to the top of the steeple

The church was tall, perfect and round

And stood three thousand, feet from the ground

He grabbed at a stone that didn’t fit right

And waited all day until it was night

He sat at the top in the freezing night air

Not moving an inch from his mountainous lair

The town fell to sleep as the night carried on

But Salvador waited for the light of the sun

As the sun rose high and the cockerel did crow

Salvador heard, faint footsteps below

He squinted and looked, his eyes very keen

And there down below him stood Optimus Bean

He held out his stone and aimed it so true;

His fingers un-furled and down the stone flew

The missile cut, like a knife through the air;

Like coals through butter or a comb through hair

Optimus stood and smoked his cigar

As the stone flew true and straight from afar

He looked at his shoes and flicked off some mud

Then his whole world went blank from the sound of a thud

 The villagers rushed from their homes to his side

‘Our banker’s laid low’ they shouted and cried

With the crack on his head he was once again sane

And felt quite confused at his unwanted fame

When he was told of the things he had said;

And that all of it came from a bump to the head

But why had he said all the things that he did;

The talk of fast bucks and a couple of quid?

A loud cough cut, through the bright morning’s air

And everyone turned to see Salvador there

He walked to his friend through the gathering throng

While deep in the church came the sound of a gong

He picked up Optimus and dusted him down

Then turned and gave him a worrying frown

I had no choice, my dear old friend

As to your will, I just could not bend

You had gone mad from a bump to the head

So I thought that a second would stand in good stead

And now I see you standing here

I know I now have nothing to fear

Whatever took hold of your mind and your soul

Is once again placed, back into its black hole

Optimus smiled at the friend he knew well

And told of the moral that this tale could tell:

If you want to be happy and don’t care for money

Then set sail now for the Island of 'Honey'

But if money and wealth are to you just like mantras

Then crawl back under your rock, and join all the bankers.

End

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